sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
