Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
