The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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