So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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