fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
