You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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