i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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