I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
