I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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