I looked at my own cervix.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need water and some morals
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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