Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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