i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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