My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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