I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
