Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
