your parents love me but you hate me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
