I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
