Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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