Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
