Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
