dude i'm inner monologue high
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Less talking, more tequila
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
