yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize