Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
