Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
