I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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