As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the raccoons are back...
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