I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
how does that bad decision feel?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
