didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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