I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
