See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
40s are totally the cure
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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