I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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