and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
