I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
