Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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