When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
