bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
