dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
