you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
