I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
