Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
