checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
