i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
