making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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