I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
