Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
