dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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