its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
