What a fucking waste of an outfit
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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