It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
