Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
