You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
