No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
