oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
