To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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