i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she smelled like a LAN party
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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