If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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