Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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