I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize