ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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