I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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