He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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