i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
