The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
