Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
