Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
