We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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