part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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