And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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