quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
