Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
