i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
