eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
