Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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