Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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